A step away

Ella started school today. She loved it! She was super impressed that she learnt something new on her very first day, too (the Indonesian word for spider!)
She had a nervous start and the first photo that I have put up doesn't quite show the extent of the death grip that she had on Charlotte's hand.
She was so brave though, and didn't look back once she gave us all a super big squeezy hug (I didn't think she was going to let go of Charlotte, she held on for that tight for that long)
I got to her classroom early to pick her up this afternoon and her class was still over in the Indonseian room. I watched her walking back across the yard surrounded by her classmates and in that moment had a flash of me as an outsider peeking in on her world, rather than being the centre of it *waah* She still needs me, right?

Straight after school drop off I met a few of the mums from my Mother's Group so that we could all have a coffee, a chat and a cry about our babies starting school. Those women have been wonderful companions over the last five years. I think my journey into motherhood would have been just that little bit harder and a touch more lonely if I didn't have them all there to share the highs and lows. We have all learnt a little bit off each other here and there, but probably moreso we have all cemented our own way of parenting and been able to confidently do so without being judged.
We are an interesting mix, and I am unsure that we would have all gotten along so well in any other setting. It seems odd that the only link is that we all had our first children in mid 2002. Ella was 10 weeks old when we all met and it has been a privilege to share her and her nuances with these great women. (Miss you, Jacki!!!)
Our monthly child free dinners have always left me feeling reassured that most behavioural things with children are generally age appropriate and pass by so quickly in the grand scheme of things. I mean, really, now that she is five, can I even remember that crazy frustrating fight to get her to lay still to put a nappy on? Or the constant, constant breastfeeding? The thought that she would never sleep anywhere other than tucked up in my (rather sore!) arms? The horror that she was in the car - oh, the screaming! -? The pain of labour? The euphoria of birth? The hopelessness of non-stop crying?(mine, not hers) The emptied out Tupperware cupboards and bookshelves - again? The weaning? The mess of solids? The vomiting?

Will I ever forget the milky smell? The softness of her baby hair? The first successful breastfeed? The snuggles in bed? Her first steps? Her first giggles? The bliss of watching a sleeping baby?

Aah, thank goodness for little sisters! I get to do it all over again.